The Art of Life
by anatagasuki
Summary: You knew I needed to go but I’m living because you won’t let me be free. And so, even if it hurts you so much, you told me; “I don’t want you to go, but I know you’ll just be suffering even more.” STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY.


**The Art of Life**

I have expected this, my love.

When we first met, I saw you as a very unreachable and dangerously charming person; a naughty individual that is meant to be free and roam. It hurt, yes, the parent switching broke my heart, but dear, every pain was worth it to be able to cross my path with someone like you are.

Do you remember our first kiss? I never thought you'd do that until you did. My, my, I suck at predictions. That made me see that you are totally spontaneous. You just do what you feel is right of the moment. You have enough confidence to do so. And I admire you greatly for it.

Then I saw a green haired girl's picture. I must admit, I was quite jealous and got insecure. Maybe then I already felt an uncontrollable attraction for you, or maybe a special bond. I don't know.

When we strolled down the park, I came to see your features. Walking silently side by side, your blonde hair imitated and even surpassed the bright afternoon sunshine. Your cerulean eyes were like the fresh, blue sky at summer. Your fair complexion are like the feather chunks of clouds high up above. Your stance made me feel protected, sheltered and warm.

You told me you kissed me because you liked me. I was angry. How dare you play games with my feelings? You're a haughty playboy. I hated your guts. But just then I realized, I wasn't trusting because I thought you are a liar, I just didn't believe in myself much. I was so apprehensive and conscious that I forgot to be rational with my actions.

Satoshi came. In the midst of my confusion of Ginta and you, he even meddled. It was then I was truly afraid to lose you. I thought you were gay. But when I ponder about the matter, I think I'd still like you even if you were a homo. Foolish, I know. But I just think so.

Meeting Yoshimitsu, I saw the side of you I never recognized. Outside, you are self-assured and perfect. But inside, you were withering and dying, so scared of what true life may bring. I wanted to be with you and help you; I think I'd lose my mind if you shed a single tear.

You leaned on me and wanted my warmth. I was more than willing to help you. Because I hated seeing you like that. Just then, I knew I don't like you. I love you with all my heart.

The day you told me you loved me was the best day of my life. I finally found someone I could share my whole life with; my ups and downs, my joys and sadness. You loved me for who I am and for what I do.

The medallions sealed out unconditional love. Under the moonlight, I promised to heaven I will take care of you forever; come what may. I vowed to save you and catch you until I die and even beyond my physical life. I am yours and you are mine.

I should've known I'll never have you long enough. You are a very prying and random soul, you could never stay put that long. Your star shines so bright that sponsors wanted you to be in their commercial. I was proud of you. I encouraged you to join.

But when I saw Suzu Sakuma, I knew my place in your heart may shatter into pieces. Here I am again, being so untrusting. But I can't help it. My heart broken, I sought for support.

And Kei came. I pushed him off because I loved you; I hoped you'll come back completely. I never thought Kei will be the one to separate us. And me, I was weak. So were you. We just believed in that petty lie.

I was a fool. Still, I saw a glimmer of love. I rejected Kei and wanted you back. We did it. We were back together again, much stronger.

As you left for New York, I tried to be sturdy enough for the both of us. But everything crumbled down painfully. I tried to gain you back, but failed miserably. I chose Kei to learn how to forget you. I am stupid. How could I forget you when every little thing hurts; when everything reminds me of you? How could I, when I didn't even want to forget about you? No, I can't. I still love you, much more than ever.

As you introduced that excruciating break up, I wanted to die. But I knew we would be back together. We have gone through so many trials, Yuu. I love you, as I always do. I'll say it a million times over if I need to.

I nagged you until you told me the truth. Your anguished revelation banged me. For the first time, it didn't matter how much we loved each other, because us being siblings isn't as trivial as a silly joke we could shove away anytime.

I cried. You cried. When you asked me to marry you, I was truly as happy as I could be in heaven, but then reality splashed itself on my face and destroyed all my dreams. Marrying you, it was my greatest longing.

Yet, how could I refuse?

When we are together, we are at our best. When we are together, we could beat all odds. When we are together, we feel concern, affection and friendship. When we are together, we are invincible.

How could I throw all those things away?

Suddenly, realizations washed over my confused mind. I could never be without you. And so you can't.

Why would we need to follow all the morals and rules when it's killing us?

I snap. I can't let you go.

You are my sanctuary.

I hugged you as tight as I can, willing never to let go.

I never expected it will be the last time I could hug you with all might as my healthy physical form could offer.

It was too fast. As the plane plunged down thirty thousand feet above the ground, I prayed for you, not myself. I asked him to save you, even if it costs me my life.

Love, I am glad to spend a year and a half with you, to cherish you and be with you. It is so fleeting yet more than enough for me.

He granted my pleas. You are now in a stable condition with just a few bruises and cuts, miraculously.

The doctors attended to me and told you they'll do everything, but I knew the truth. My end was near. I felt physical pain all over, but the emotional pain of losing you was far more urgent. I tried to hold on for dear life, but I was slipping away. What is this? A test? I don't know.

I saw the very worried and anguished expression on your face as doctors tried to regulate my blood pressure and oxygen intake. You were right there, holding my hand, pleading all the doctors to save me. You hugged me and begged me to hold on, to live for you. Love, if I can I would gladly carry out your wish. But I can't. I wipe your wet cheeks and placed my fingers on your lips weakly. You, you are the only reason I still endure this kind of suffering.

You are a very sensitive and considerate person. You knew I needed to go but I'm living because you won't let me be free. And so, even if it hurts you so much, you told me; "I don't want you to go, but I know you'll just be suffering even more."

You kissed my forehead. You cried. "You're free." You whisper.

And now, beside my deathbed, don't cry for me. I wanted to cry too. Not because of my life, of my youth, but of yours and your happiness. When I go, please don't mourn for me. When I change from this state to another, move on and continue. Do this for me, anata. I want nothing but your freedom and will to live.

As I breathe my last breath and say my last words, I cried. But no regrets at all, no regrets. I am most happy to die for you and with you by my side, something I will commit in memory forever. You tell me you wanted to be with me, and that you'll wait for me and you're hoping that I will do the same. But I gently shake my head.

Pursue your dreams, live your life to the fullest, and don't grow bitter. I will never leave you. Yes, physically I am departed from you but I will never leave you alone.

Reach your goals and…find another woman to love. You ask me helplessly, with uncontrollable tears flowing from your eyes, how you could still love and live without me, yet my answer is this: "I love you more than life itself. Promise me you'd be okay. Have someone take care of you in this human life, something I couldn't do anymore…"

Goodbye, Yuu-kun. For the last time, in the last statement I could give, I'll tell you how much I love you.

A/N: Too angsty. Too fluffy. Too dramatic. Too tragic. Too lame. I know. But that's all I could think of right now.

I could write a sequel, a happier one if you like! Just please tell me!

Please read and review! T.T


End file.
